2 Corinthians 12:9-11New International Version (NIV)
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
About three months ago I took notice when a home sold in my favorite neighborhood. I decided to just write a letter to some of the home owners and just explain that I wanted to buy a home in their neighborhood. Simple enough. The very day after sending our letter we received an email from a family who had been the only owner of that home, and had lovingly cared for their home for over 30 years. The story continues to develop when we put together that the owners were dear friends of my parents, and even remembered me from when I was a toddler. We saw the home and loved the character and the location. Additionally, we learned that my mother's baby shower for me was actually held in this very home, so there was a sentimental value that really attached me to the home. We've gone back and forth over a couple months with the owners in emails, building our own friendship. However, after an appraisal, the price tag came back along with the reality of months of dreams are coming to a close.
There have been moments where, I'm not going to lie, I assumed based on all the factors that God was in this, and by in this, I expected that my family would be built and raised in this home. The months of planning, creating a full pinterest board, and starting to see my life there has come to a rather abrupt halt. And I struggle with it, because its not like their price tag is WAY out of range, but it helped me to pump the breaks just enough to start to hear that quiet voice. Still not fully discernable, I can't tell if it's saying wait or just not happening, but its the one that I try to use with my son when he's busy going a million miles an hour and I want him to slow his role and pay attention.
I can hear in my own head all the justifying I want to do to make this home a reality. It's so close I can almost taste it. I question why God would bring us this close to our "dream home", and then not realize it. Then I catch that I thought the goal of the experience was a destination. I am then reminded that the journey, the reliance on the Lord, and our current conversations wouldn't have happened had this home not come into my life. Is the deepening of my relationship with the Lord worth the disappointment of not having my own half acre of heaven downtown? The answer when I get still enough is yes.
Or I begin to question how this couldn't be an answer to prayers I've prayed. This house seemed to be so perfect for what I seek. And then God reminds me that my role isn't to be someone whose prayers are always sought to be answered, but rather, with the extra resources I have by staying put, perhaps I am being called out to be more of an answerer to prayers. Can I help meet the needs of others and use this as an opportunity to get my eyes off my self for a minute and look to see if I can in any way meet actual needs of others?
The phrase "Home is where the Heart is" came to mind today, and it was a gut check. Home up until today has been focused on a house, yet I'm reminded that that's not what Christ has called me to.
So tonight I was driving back in my little red carolla, and turned on one of my favorite bands, Switchfoot. The first song I tuned to was 24. It's beautiful and held my spirit still enough to really listen, so I was ready when God dropped a line from the next song that goes a little something like this.
And all I see, It could never make me happy.
And all my sand castles spend their time collapsing.
Let me know you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
And let that be enough.
So tonight, after a long waiting game and perceived disappointment, I continue to tune my ears and pray that knowing God's love is simply enough.
