Ode to Joy

It was about this time last year that I felt I had been given a word for the year, and that word was joy.  For those of you who are personal friends, I think you can see the irony as honestly last year was the hardest of my life.  My son's long-standing illness was the theme for much of the year, leaving me sleep deprived and highly suspicious of said "joy".

Its like for you people who have ever prayed for patience.  Those of us who have know.  That thing should come with a warning.  Should joy be approach with the same regard?

But this.. a year of joy?  It felt like a flat out lie. 2016 was a game changer.

Even the holidays seemed to pay tribute as both of my kids ran fevers, I had the longest headache ever of my life, and two migraines, one that sent me to urgent care, and head aches aren't really normal for me... well, but nothing is normal about 2016.

The holidays are still spinning in my head and it seems like after dinner when I have the kitchen to myself and the mindlessness of cleaning up (which I find to enjoy, but don't tell my husband) that God seems to be speaking pretty loudly.

Last night I broached the subject again...

"Hey God.  remember last year.... yeah, remember? (Of course he does, He's God).  Well, you told me joy... and well, last year I didn't feel very joyful."

"Hey, Mandy..."

"Yea, God?"

"Remember several years ago while you were working on your MBA?"

"Sure"

"Well, do you remember what you learned then?"

"Yea... I was really challenged to think about my self in the term of "being" rather than "doing""...

(Light bulb comes on)

"Ohhhhhh...

I missed the boat on that one... you're calling me  to instead of look for joy or experience joy.... you want me to BE joy".

"Bingo"

I recall in going through my hard time that it could be ... any number of words to try to describe it... a time of long-suffering...isolating... challenging to the knowledge of who one is in the scope of God's bigger plan...

Jeremiah 29:11 has been my verse since I was a child.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you a hope and a future.

I told God that I was going to claim it, and be audacious enough to see where my life would land if I truly believed it.

If you would have told me I'd be a wife, mother, and have job, I might have felt a bit underwhelmed.  I planned for something BIG.... I was ready for BIG, and to be honest, its left me in a place at times where I keep looking for big, and feel like maybe I misread or misinterpreted what God was calling...

Well, yes and no.

I missed the boat in that I was always looking for it, not because I believed it.

What I missed is... BIG is here.  It is in the now.  It is people.  It is love.

So, here's to 2017... a chance to get it right... a chance to claim it.

I am not some world renown preacher.  I am (so far) not on a trajectory of a life story or impact of the likes of Mother Theresa.

I have been called... but I have been called to BE Amanda Keeter, and the when is now.

There is solace to the madness of 2016, and other times when life is maddening... it deepens our reservoirs for compassion, empathy and love.

So 2017, there is no end game... not one great to do accomplishment.  There is the challenge to BE JOY.  To be in the days, and love those we come into contact with, even if its over a conference call to a new friend who shares a hard day.

This is my new years resolution to be joy.